Timber.r.r.r.r.r.r.r.r

Everybody and his or her dog reckons they know how GPs work. They don't need to ask us before providing new systems 'cos they already know what we do. They don't need to ask us if the new system will work. Of course it will work. Could anything be more simple? Well let's see.

The "Choose & Book" system had a cleverly designed form that it printed for us to give to patients. It provided them with their reference number, the information they need to contact the hospital of their choice and finally their password. The minimum amount of information requires about eleven inches of text. For those of us in the world of "A4" that's one sheet of paper for the first nine inches of text plus one sheet of paper for the remain two inches. There's lots of white spaces so it could have been condensed with a just molecule or two of design. Now after five hundred referrals and five hundred sheets of (almost) blank paper, we were delighted? to see that they have redesigned the form. Some bright spark at CfH has discovered Text Boxes. Yippeee.

Now two sheets of paper have become three. The second has a little bit of writing. The third has a couple of lines or so.

Timberrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I See No Ships

Dear Patsy,

Thank you so much for all your recent communications to us lowly people who look towards you as their leader. My word you have been busy but through this maelstrom of media engagement your new organisation has triumphed. I haven't actually seen the Powerpoint presentation as yet; our PCT's IT department is busy taking down the Christmas decorations at their shiny new offices in Marie Celeste House. Nevertheless I think I have the gist of what you had done. Perhaps you could confirm my understanding?

Your new communications team (the Strategic Press Information Network - "SPIN") have already scored some notable goals for the good guys. Clearly it helps to have a clear and unabiguous target (and what government has more impeccable credentials when it comes to targets?). Having said that, why not come out into the open and say exactly who you mean instead of hiding behind a code name of Greedy Pigs (or "GPs" as they are already known amongst the congoscenti). Let's name and shame. After all, these GP bastards have a lot to answer for.

There's that awful PFI or "Perpetual Financial Indebtedness". I was about to say that only GPs could have come up with so financially awful but then I remembered ENRON who did try the same thing. Still your solution is a master touch. "Put the Blame on Contractors" or "PBC" has solved the problem in one simple yet ever-so-stylish stroke. Of course, PBC only works when viewed against "PBR" (the "Public Sector Borrowing Requirement"). This clearly is no impediment since our almost Prime McMinister seems to have no problem in shuffling the numbers around with the leger de main of a Mancunian croupier.

As any good admiral, you are now reaping the benefit of having thought ahead and deployed your reserve troops ready to deal with the situation as it has unfolded. Operation "Blame" ("Bring in Lots And lots of Management Experts") is as much a triumph as Nelson's was at Trafalgar. Everyone expected you to cover up the mess made by these GPs but oh, no! You simply came right out and did it. "It's all the GPs fault. They have taken all the money."

Brilliant!

I can't wait for next week.


p.s. Just remind me - who were those GPs exactly?