The Elephant in the Room is a Drunk!

The current mantra of our healthcare policy makers is "moving care closer to the patient". The reason (excuse) for this catchy little phrase is money. It is now assumed that moving care out of hospitals and into community settings is cheaper and on paper this is entirely reasonable. That's the "what" and the "why". It's the "how" that always terrifies me.

As a taxpayer, I wan't the NHS to be looking to ensure it doesn't spend money unnecessarily. There is one area where it could save itself a fortune if there was anyone brave enough to grasp the mettle. It's drunks!

Before shaving threepence off the community chripody budget, all politicians should be required to spend a Saturday night in the casualty department of the general hospital that serves their constituency. What they will see is an NHS emergency service overwhelmed with young, drunk, vomitting, often-aggressive pillocks who think that ending up having the contents of their stomachs vacuumed is a sign of a good night out.

Our risk-averse managers ensure that we care for these tossers with skills that are in short supply and very expensive to provide overnight and at weekends - how much would extra you want to be paid to be puked over on your Saturday night?

I think the answer is to adopt one of the United State's more sensible policies - the "drunk tank". If you're drunk and incapable, then get shoved in a large cell with all the other serial idiots until you sober up. In the morning you can pay the spot fine and find your own way home. Make sure the cell is tiled so it can be hosed down easily in preparation for the next batch. I don't wish to be uncivilised about it. Female drunks should have their own cell next door.

To start with, some cities will need something the size of an aircraft hangar (and there are plenty of those lying around) but once the message gets through to what's left of their brains, demand will surely lessen?